you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
