i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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