why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
