Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
