Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize