She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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