why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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