My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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