Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
