Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
