is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
