I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
