Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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