I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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