Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
