the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.