too bad you live with your parents still
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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