the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."