Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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  (757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z
  Replies (13) Good night (2602) Bad night (905)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  my vagina has a 5:00 shadow

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  (407): my vagina has a 5:00 shadow http://tfl.nu/wj4u
  Replies (32) Good night (851) Bad night (4218)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I have one thing to say: spongebath.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.

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  (781): I have one thing to say: spongebath. (1-781): I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all. http://tfl.nu/ojs2
  Replies (4) Good night (713) Bad night (2522)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.

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  (360): he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me. http://tfl.nu/9e4p
  Replies (6) Good night (953) Bad night (3940)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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  (727): You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that. http://tfl.nu/4x8y
  Replies (15) Good night (4217) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.

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  (606): I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me. (1-606): Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons. http://tfl.nu/drp9
  Replies (4) Good night (4551) Bad night (1597)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.

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  (405): Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment. http://tfl.nu/t7rb
  Replies (3) Good night (2470) Bad night (1069)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play

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  (518): Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play http://tfl.nu/j01d
  Replies (10) Good night (1742) Bad night (771)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.

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  (713): You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin. http://tfl.nu/p64y
  Replies (5) Good night (1492) Bad night (735)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.

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  (207): I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered. http://tfl.nu/1qcp
  Replies (3) Good night (654) Bad night (809)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

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  (501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo
  Replies (6) Good night (983) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.

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  (479): The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man. http://tfl.nu/vong
  Replies (7) Good night (1048) Bad night (658)
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  (286): View more from

  I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.

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  (286): I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face. http://tfl.nu/gle0
  Replies (9) Good night (729) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf

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  (253): Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf http://tfl.nu/ir0h
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?

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  (765): Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first? http://tfl.nu/vdnl
  Replies (1) Good night (263) Bad night (313)

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