highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck