Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night