Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other

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  (302): it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other http://tfl.nu/yidf
  Replies (19) Good night (2562) Bad night (848)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  ok you need to stop NOW

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  (479): okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters (501): ok you need to stop NOW http://tfl.nu/gm1r
  Replies (46) Good night (1449) Bad night (4341)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.

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  (313): Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch. http://tfl.nu/eota
  Replies (14) Good night (849) Bad night (3257)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..

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  (732): only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package.. http://tfl.nu/0izj
  Replies (37) Good night (7014) Bad night (772)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.

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  (302): stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth. http://tfl.nu/4sta
  Replies (14) Good night (1709) Bad night (3244)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.

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  (817): Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period. http://tfl.nu/d1q3
  Replies (7) Good night (5141) Bad night (1055)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.

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  (719): hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year. http://tfl.nu/9tpx
  Replies (3) Good night (1449) Bad night (620)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed

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  (312): Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed http://tfl.nu/to9s
  Replies (4) Good night (1353) Bad night (619)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  I don't even want to know

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  (630): You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican. (1-630): I don't even want to know http://tfl.nu/s13d
  Replies (3) Good night (1254) Bad night (596)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are you alive?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.

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  (204): Are you alive? (1-204): I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all. http://tfl.nu/y639
  Replies (4) Good night (1589) Bad night (749)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.

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  (717): And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes. http://tfl.nu/hx7l
  Replies (10) Good night (859) Bad night (483)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...

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  (972): Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch... http://tfl.nu/v5jz
  Replies (11) Good night (994) Bad night (836)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember

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  (306): i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember http://tfl.nu/04pq
  Replies (1) Good night (646) Bad night (214)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."

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  (586): I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone." http://tfl.nu/272w
  Replies (2) Good night (537) Bad night (364)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.

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  (908): The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling. http://tfl.nu/4o2r
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (254)

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