I wannas sexs uuuuu
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.