mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine