Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols

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(480): View more from Arizona

Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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(310): View more from California

we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(336): View more from North Carolina

Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls

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(917): View more from New York City

You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.

(203): View more from Connecticut

That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.

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(805): View more from California

I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.

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