I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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