I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
