is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
