I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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