I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
