My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
