Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize