i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
