So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
