i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
