his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
