Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
