R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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