On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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