hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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