Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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