new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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