he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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