That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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