hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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