How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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