who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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