I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
