Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
