I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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