Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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