We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
