I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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