I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize