I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
