I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You can't motorboat a personality
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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