Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
