I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
