After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
