his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
