No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
