i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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