Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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