I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
