So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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