I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
